Inside Voices

"Convicted in Absentia":

56,383 / 100,000 (56.4%)

That's over 3000 words today. I'm satisfied.

Of course today *was* supposed to be a day of backing off the writing in order to pack for our trip tomorrow. *facepalm* I'm so pathetically predictable sometimes.

I did want to mention a discussion I got into another LJ and some thoughts that other comments stirred up. The discussion was about the feminization of heroines -- specifically a lot of the heroines she listed were media heroines of the 90's and 00's. The question was, are the women disempowered at some point by the audience being reminded that they are women through the process of making them mothers? (I'm paraphrasing, probably badly, but I think I'm getting the point across).

Well anyway, after pointing out that the women cited (specifically Scully, Sydney Bristow, Aeryn Sun, Starbuck, and Xena) in most ways became *more* badass after having a child, I made the somewhat bold, obviously pre-caffeinated statement that "the ultimate expression of our humanity is our ability to choose the direction of our lives. The ultimate expression of our gender as women is the ability to bear children." I did qualify it by distinguishing between ability and the actual bearing of children.

But once the caffeine kicked in (and I read some of the other perspectives), it got me thinking. In making a statement like that, I'm coming from an admitted bias of experience. I have a child.

However -- I have several childfree-by-choice women on my friends list. I have several mothers. I have women who are going through hell in the hopes that they might someday conceive.

In making the statement I did, am I saying that they're "not real women"? I hope I'm not. Intellectually it's not what I intended at all. But in reducing the gender question to an issue of plumbing, am I being shortsighted?

I find myself curiously unable to step outside the bias of my own experience on this one. So I'm throwing it out to anyone who wants to chew over it. What defines us as women? Is this a question that's important to answer? Should it be the same for everyone?

Is woman a word that has to have a specific base definition or it loses meaning?

I also want to chew over the heroine question some more, but whoa-tired and whoa-behind on packing. Will try later -- should be fun after eight hours of driving!

Oh how I've missed you!

"Convicted in Absentia":

42,879 / 100,000 (42.9%)

As I said over on nanonov, with luck and a few hours at Starbucks, I *should* pass the NaNo mark today. If not, definitely tomorrow.

50K in 10-11 days? I'll take that. Particularly when a lot of the past week has been devoted to rewriting/polishing the first couple of chapters. I know, I know -- not supposed to do that during NaNo (and I wouldn't recommend it for most people) -- but at the pace I've been setting, I don't think it's really going to hurt my ability to complete this thing on time.

Plus, I want to be able to have the first three chapters ready to go out in a query package by November 30 -- which means editing/polishing. Luckily it hasn't required much -- my characters are all in a cooperative mood and more than ready to party.

The big challenge on the horizon story-wise is that I've had to write in two additional characters. One of them is going to *really* want to go with Jason and Diane on their adventures and, well, she can't. She'll interfere, she'll weigh down the storyline, and she'll just generally make me miserable.

Ironically enough, she's already causing me problems. Her name (nickname, actually) is Callie, and she's the team mechanic. *facepalm* No wonder she's annoying me right now.

Been fighting off a cold and general ickiness all week. It's not a surprise -- between life and having my brain tied up in this book, I'm not sleeping well or sufficiently. I'm *really* trying to do better, but it's probably going to be touch and go until the end of the month.

Allergy issues aren't helping, but I invested in some Tylenol Day/Night formula for Robin (who's also been suffering), and it appears to be really wonderful stuff. Haven't tried the nighttime stuff yet; it knocked Robin on her ass last weekend, so I've been kind of leery.

Of course she *does* have her father's nonexistant tolerance for those kind of medications...but on the other hand, I haven't been suffering all that much.

Things around the apartment have been surprisingly calm. We're entering another week of Dad charting reasonable/normal bloodsugar readings, so for the first time in nearly a year I'm not dreading his labs next week. Everything else has gotten more manageable as well -- he's listening to Mom and I more, and actually *asking* for help instead of trying to pretend he can still do things. I'm probably going to have to bite the bullet and just handle helping him get dressed while we're away Thanksgiving week, but I definitely want to ease Mom back into that position as quickly as possible.

Not surprisingly (to me, at any rate), Mom is doing *much* better. She's still going in for surgery on the 27th (and needs to), but she hasn't suffered any adverse effects from cutting back the valium dosage. In fact, she's had a lot more energy -- last weekend was the first in far too long that she didn't spend most of it in bed. She's also been offered the possibility of more temp work in December at the Clerk's office, and is considering the possibility that she could be able to do it with a walker. If her doctor agrees -- I think it would be *great* for her self-esteem and recovery.

Gods -- I think what this is all boiling down to is that things are all right. Maybe even...good, with the possibility of better in the future.

Shower. Shower, then back to work! *brandishes pen*

One cat with constipation and general discomfort: $50.00 plus one urine-soaked couch.

Seeing the Psycho Ninja Kitty O' Doom (tm crevette) endure the humiliation of a proctological exam: Priceless.

Seriously -- I shouldn't have giggled as much as I did. But she's okay, and damn...given her history if I'd known this was going to happen I'd have sold tickets. I'd have covered the vet bill plus an evening out.

"Convicted in Absentia"

7,102 / 100,000 (7.1%)

That's nearly 1500 words today. Not the massive dreamy word count I hope to eventually see, but quite respectable on what turned out to be a very social day.

The mood did take an upturn around lunch time, but Robin and I still decided to slide out and see the "Nightmare Before Christmas" rerelease. Robin has *never* seen the movie (due to longstanding childhood scaredy-catedness), and I'm not sure I *ever* saw the whole thing all the way through, much *less* on the big screen.

It was incredible -- and Robin was beautifully up and happy as a result of seeing the film. She started to bemoan the fact that she hadn't had the guts to see it earlier, but finally decided that she appreciated it more seeing it for the first time like this.

Afterwards we went hunting for a new local anime' store that's opened up near her high school.

Day-um. Little tiny storefront, but dude has done his research. The things on his shelves are what the teens are buying, and he's stocking titles that all the teens are *talking* about, but very few people were carrying at the different shows I was at this summer.

I literally begged him to at least stay in business through the holidays. He's likely to save me a fortune in shipping costs.

The irony comes in that Robin and I talked *again* about Necronomicon. I suggested that instead of spending the money to go to Necro, she might just want to plan on blowing the cash she would have spent in the Dealer's Room at this guy's shop. She'd probably end up being *more* satisfied, and we'd save expense money in the long run.

She agreed. Happily.

Then we got home -- and there was an e-mail waiting for me regarding the Dealer's Room at Necronomicon. After being told in no uncertain terms that No Way was I getting a Dealer's Table...suddenly?

There's one available, and would I like it?

Oooookay. Well -- I've been racking my brains trying to figure out creative ways to bring in more money over the holidays. Guess this was the answer to at least part of my prayer. :)

But...I'm vending at a con in a week! Ack!

Which is fairly ironic, since I deliberately went to bed a little early last night. The alarm went off at 5 -- I briefly debated snoozing it, and decided that I shouldn't.

I flopped back on the pillow to stop the room from spinning -- I blinked, and it was 5:30.

Which meant there was no way to get Robin up, dressed, fed and to the bus, but there *was* sufficient time for us to do what we needed to do, and me to *drive* her to school.

So we did that. Got nearly to the corner when I realized that I didn't have enough gas to get to Gibbs and back. And, as per my usual routine, I'd only grabbed my keys.

Ended up "borrowing" three dollars in quarters off Robin.

It's officially been quite a morning. Part of me feels like I should just ctrl-alt-del the day, but I'm actually in a fairly good mood and feeling fairly energized. Not to mention, I've already showered.
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Writing on "Convicted" is going *really* well since I got back from the 3 day. I was beginning to worry about how tight a hold Jason had on the narrative, but he finally wound to a close, and now I'm in Diane's scene.

Loving it! It's actually really weird seeing people talk about NaNo prep and knowing that I'm only going to be participating in the loosest sense of the word. It's kind of like how strange last year ended up being -- I cranked out 50,000 words in 6-1/2 days, but because I was busy moving during the authentication period 2006 stands as a year that I signed up, but didn't officially "finish".

I think in the long run that's going to help, though. I'm shooting for between 80K and 100K words by the end of November. It's completely doable with the story I've got to tell -- the challenge has been reminding myself that it's *okay* to keep talking. I've got the space.
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Final 3 day thoughts --

It's weird how the farther you get away from a weekend, the harder it is to hold a coherent narrative thread. I find this to be true all the time with my convention trips. Real life gets between you and the experience and starts to confuse things.

Which I guess is how it's supposed to be.

crevette's posted pictures. As she says, you can definitely see the quality of our appearance deteriorating as the weekend wears on.

We do still manage to smile, though -- and surprisingly kept smiling even when the camera wasn't on us. I'd like to think it was because we were still enjoying ourselves, but there's probably some mysterious hormonal imbalance at work that causes a Joker-like reaction to events.

She also found a link to some of the local news coverage. The video gallery is definitely worth a look. Channel 10, the local CBS affiliate, fielded a 16 person team, plus their own squad of "walker stalkers".

Sunday morning started off with us colder than Saturday morning. Yes, I'd gone to bed wearing my long-sleeved shirt, but it really hadn't helped all that much.

Sunday was also the morning that we had to break camp, since we weren't coming back that evening. It all went fairly efficiently, with much amusement at the latent SCA skills that came into play.

I would find out later that crevette's glasses got bundled into my bedding and shoved into my suitcase. How they didn't end up twisted and broken beyond all recognition is still one of the great mysteries of the day.

Sunday was the shortest distance we had to walk -- and had cheering stations and pit stops set early in the distance. Our first cheering station was less than a mile away, and peacockharpy and columella were waiting with Starbucks! Sweet, sweet caffeine!

I did feel kind of bad for Jan, because we never did manage to get things coordinated for her, but she was good-natured about it.

Jan, as it turns out, didn't have tendonitis -- just a bad sprain. She and crevette were also sporting some kick-ass blisters, making the fact that they both finished that much more impressive.

I've also described Sunday elsewhere as the day that was measured in the distance between porta-potties. It was *so* true. Not only was the Starbucks we'd imbibed working on us, but I was having my usual issues with all the carbs and crap I'd been eating all weekend. Memo to the dude in charge of medical -- it's probably a good thing you didn't point out the *price* we'd have to pay when you were encouraging us to continue eating the potato chips and pretzels being provided. You would have had a revolt on your hands, assuming any of us could stay vertical long enough to reach you.

Plus, it took about three days for my body to realize that the amount of water I was sucking down did *not* have to be horded against some mysterious impending drought condition.

"Drink and pee and no IV!" (the actual chant of many of the staff).

Weather-wise, Sunday was very pleasant -- taking us through some really pretty residential neighborhoods. Crev and I did a lot of architectural dissection -- talking about house styles, what we liked, and what we didn't like.

We also ran into some enthusiastic walker-stalkers -- the soccer team from St. Leo's college had set up along one of the brick-paved streets. They'd brought popsicles and water, and written encouraging messages to us in sidewalk chalk.

Then when we actually drew even with us, they turned on "Riding Dirty" (the hell?) and started a cheer routine for us. Tres bizarre.

Second cheering station was before lunch -- which was good. This one was very well attended, including akasha63, kapua23, and some of their brood. It was *so* good to see them, even if we could only stay for a few minutes (not only because of progress, but because the muscles start to seize up if you don't keep moving).

Any of you reading this that might be in one of the remaining walk cities (Dallas, Phoenix, Atlanta, or San Diego) *please* don't underestimate the effect your presence will have at a cheering station. You may not know anyone walking, or you may only get to spend a couple of minutes with people you *do* know walking -- but just by being there, you're helping keep those people going.

And if you can hand out popsicles or water or ice -- so much the better. Heaven never looked so good.

Lunch was at Crescent Lake Park -- a welcome break. We'd decided to take our time in the afternoon stretch. At our usual pace, we would have reached the finish line *hours* before closing ceremonies, necessitating us waiting.

Better to keep moving.

Funniest part of the afternoon had to have been getting overtaken by the Chicas walking through Snell Isle.

"The Chicas go marching one by one, hurrah! Hurrah!"

Tel *sniffs*: I smell Chicas.

Crev *picking up pace*: Must...go...faster...

Objects in mirror were *definitely* closer than they appeared. :)

We fell behind them and got ahead of them pretty consistently over the last few miles -- but the ultimate irony was that we walked across the finish line directly ahead of them. Almost as though they'd absorbed us at last.

We ended up only having to wait about an hour at the finish line -- during which time we made sure to line up for the last walker in. They make a big deal about the 3 Day not being a race, and to punctuate that the last walker is brought in each day with a great deal of cheering and fanfare.

At the finish line, she came in with a bike escort, a checkered flag, and roses. Very cool.

After waiting, we lined up again to walk to the closing ceremonies, where the tears and pride came again in full (and have been remarked on in other entries). The sick joke part of that hour or so was not that we had to walk to the closing ceremonies -- it was the half-mile we had to walk *after* closing ceremonies to get to the car! *facepalm*

I'm sure there's stuff I've missed in the telling, but that -- in a nutshell (consisting of three really long posts) -- is the weekend that culminated six months of training, stress and preparation.

It was well worth it.

Interestingly enough, I've already gotten an e-mail from the Komen Foundation offering me $30.00 off if I register now for next year.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I think I'm going to let somebody else have the life-changing experiences next year.

Mustn't be greedy.

Had an e-mail waiting for me when I woke up this morning from a "Chet May", saying that he knew a Telaryn at Northwestern who graduated in 1988 and was big into sci-fi. Was I her?

For those of you who are new around here or who might have missed the facts along the way -- I'm *not*, but the Telaryn he's asking about *is* the woman I swiped my screenname from. Not to mention, I graduated in 1989.

Fellow Wildcats -- did we know anyone named Chet May? The name's not really ringing any bells, but it has been nearly twenty years.

Hard to believe it's Friday again -- this week definitely gets filed under, "huh?". Looking back, we've had an ER visit, writing, walking, cleaning, battling an infestation of fruit flies (ongoing), and buying an entire Homecoming ensemble for my fourteen year old.

Yep -- Homecoming tonight. Schedule is going to be IN-SANE. Robin's theoretically got anime' club after school, then the club is marching in the Homecoming parade which starts at 5pm, then the dance is at 8pm. Oy.

Somewhere in there is the game, and I can't see how the football players are supposed to fit in playing and then getting ready for the dance -- let alone anyone else who's planning on doing both.

Yes, there will be pictures (which reminds me -- I need to find the camera, like SOON), both amateur and professional. They're offering a good package with three poses (couple, individual female, individual male) that I proposed we split with Z's family. Lessen the cost, and each family gets a decent batch of professional shots.

I suppose it's no wonder I've been dozing off again in the mornings after getting Robin on the bus and having breakfast. That needs to stop, though. Messes up my head for getting through the rest of the day.

Got some heavy thoughts bouncing in my head, but basically that's what the weekend boils down to. I got out of here, hung out with my friends, and had *wonderful* (and on program!) food.

Okay, so I had more of crevette's barbeque sauce than was probably wise, but being as the stuff could qualify as a beverage it's so good, I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

I'm officially down four pounds in the first week of my reunion with Atkins. At least I think it's my first week. Might be first ten days. Definitely not two weeks, because it's only been one ABC Night.

Huh. Anyway, I've lost four pounds since starting. Go me!

Lunch Saturday was with tinne, and it was fabulous to just sit and hang out and talk life over a couple of Panera's Bistro Steak salads.

Got home in time to catch my breath, collect Robin, and head out to crevette's for OMGWTFBBQ!

And it was *good*. More hanging out and gossiping commenced. I also managed to figure out a way to break our friend G's son out of his self-imposed block against writing. G was worried because T had a three page paper to write on Neptune, and it had been a *major* battle just to get him to list out the facts for the paper.

Well, when I looked at the paper, it was three pages of just facts.

And I had an idea.

Way back in college, when grindar and I were dating, I realized that while he was a *brilliant* speaker -- could talk persuasively on any topic for as long as necessary -- he couldn't translate that skill to his papers.

Solution? He would pace my dorm room and talk, and I would type what he said.

Thinking that this technique might help T, I asked him to start telling me about Neptune. He was able to talk for a couple of minutes without any difficulty -- *proving* to me that he knew the subject.

So, I suggested to G that he arrange to record T *talking* about Neptune, and then all T would have to do is go back and transcribe what he said.

We'll see if it works.

The problem with T is that in certain areas he's been fighting against his teachers and his parents for so long that having more of the same battles isn't getting any of them anywhere but thoroughly frustrated.

Telaryn's truism -- when it doubt, don't bang your head against the wall one more time, find a way around it. Here's hoping I did.

Today's been work, work and more work -- laundry, trash collection, changing bed sheets and working in the garage. Interspersed with that has been half an hour writing on "Conscience" (now that the latest bout of stress has been neutralized) sitting on my balcony, and reading the latest Merry Gentry offering "A Stroke of Midnight"...which surprisingly doesn't suck. She's got some plot and pacing issues, but so far it's a really good read and an interesting story.

It's also *not* the size of a small paving stone. I'll probably be done with it by morning.

My biggest argument is that she let the cast of beautiful men grow *way* too large -- I can't even follow most of these Sidhe men, much less give two flying fucks (literally) about them as characters. Even so, she manages some decent character growth for the core gang.

Here's hoping that the library has the book on CD by the time I leave for San Jose. Be kind of funny to drive the west while listening to nothing but Laurell K. Hamilton. :)

Okay, funny in the sense of making my own fun...but still.

History Channel's running an FDR/WWII documentary at 9pm. Robin is actually excited to watch it.

Back to the grind tomorrow. Here's hoping that with Mercury *finally* going direct, the week has a chance of not sucking.

Off to harmonyfb's in a few for a "Mental Health" afternoon. It's been a very wild, very stressful week, and I really need to get away for a bit.

Plus, Robin and Little Tree get some hours together without Monkeyboy interference -- this is *always* to be encouraged.

Very scattered morning. Got a lot I want to get out of my head and down in the old LJ, but my life is just too freaking LOUD right now. I sit down to right, and it's like I want to scream at everybody and everything to STFU!

Problem is, most of the noise is internal right now.

It's an interesting catch-22. I tried to sit down and work on Conscience this morning, and was too stressed to focus.

If I was a little *more* stressed, however, all I'd be able to do is write.

I *have* done about eight loads of laundry in the past twenty-four hours, so at least I have that in my favor. Plus a little bit of cleaning here and there.

Haven't fought with Dad either, but the only way I've managed it is by ignoring a lot of his usual tics. We had a huge row a couple of days ago over him horking into a garbage can and then rummaging around in the garbage a few minutes later for some unknown reason.

I overreacted in my response (did I mention I'm also most likely hormonal?), but I wasn't at all wrong in what I said. He took it badly and played the martyr for most of the day.

He got over it, but now I have to listen to him *swallow* these little phlegm-balls instead of getting rid of them.

So, when he vomits in a couple of days because he's poisoned the contents of his stomach, putting himself into bed and sending his bloodsugar back through the roof, he will have made his point.

I guess.

Mental Health activities are definitely in order. Off to relax I go.

Sleep deprivation is always an interesting thing, and Dragoncon by its very nature has more than most of it. Luckily I stood my ground (along with laughingimp and harmonyfb), and insisted that we stop at the half-way point of the trip home and get a real night's sleep.

Otherwise it would be another day for me to recover. Possibly more.

I'm starting to feel normal again. Of course to get to that state I took a two hour nap yesterday afternoon and got eight hours of sleep last night.

You do what you have to, although I felt bad that I just wasn't up for playing a board game with Robin. I'll make it up to her. I just couldn't do it last night.

Played my new Brobdignagian Bards CD for her on our way to go pick up her medicine and I think I made them a new fan. Not a lot of humor on it, which means I'll have to play her "A Faire To Remember" so she has a better idea why I love them. This is not a problem.

She did comment that crevette should hear their Legolas song, so I'll probably haul it along to ABC's tonight.

Yesterday was an interesting blend of my temper and her lack of ability to focus on anything or follow any task through to completion. By the end of the day we both agreed that getting back on schedule was going to be a good thing for each of us.

She also wanted to know when we could get our own copy of "Munchkin". laughingimp, I think I can safely say it was a hit. *g*

More Dragoncon will be forthcoming...it just takes a while for everything to sort itself out.

Why? Because I have an ear infection, of course!

First step when you get an illness you can't ignore and you have no insurance (and well, you're me)? You start pumping Vitamin C like it's going out of style.

If things still hurt in the morning, it's time for the peroxide. *sigh*

On the better side of today, I got started catching up on laundry, packed a bin of Mom and Dad's crap, put stuff out for the garage sale, and had a long and luxurious lunch with good, *good* friends. Happy stuff.

I also got a page and a half written on Chapter 9 at karate this morning, even *with* Sue reading over my shoulder. It was annoying, yes, but not enough to make a stink about it. Sue was doing the Jekyll/Hyde thing -- totally different today from the way she was sans hubby and kids last night at coffee.

Robin appears to be doing much better. We'll see if she 'fesses anything to Russ, but I suspect based on how she was handling things during class that the planned course of treatment may actually in and of itself be relaxing her. She seems to have convinced herself that "Mom and Dad are on it -- they have a plan that will help me fix this -- I can stop being so afraid".

I sincerely hope it's something along those lines. I'm actually dreading what she could do in the way of stressing when she finds out that her blood draw is Tuesday morning.

This week is going to be overwhelmed with getting stuff ready for the garage sale, but I've got to set the counselling appointments *and* get going on Robin's school plan for next year, finalizing things and getting all our ducks in a row.

*And* I'm watching harmonyfb's youngest two days (at least I *think* it's two days).

Busy, busy, busy -- I'm looking forward to the quiet when Mom and Dad are gone for two weeks. Over Samhain yet -- what better New Year's gift could I get? *g*