It's odd...

I'm not a global thinker. Never really have been.

I don't get outraged by much that takes place on the state, national or international stage. That which does move me is random, not conforming to any perceivable pattern.

harmonyfb and I had a conversation once about our differences in world view. I pointed out that I saw worrying about stuff over which I had no control to be a huge waste of energy -- energy I rarely have to spare.

I worry about the stuff I *can* affect, or the stuff I'm *supposed* to affect. Stuff that relates directly to my life and my people. The here and now -- the imediate and concrete, not the vast, abstract and long term.

It is just not part of my makeup to worry about the theoretical -- every time I've tried I've ended up screwing up what I'm supposed to be doing.

I thought about this a lot today. A girl was kidnapped and murdered just south of here. A girl Robin's age.

Literally from the first time the Amber Alert went out, my brain looked at this situation and said "there is nothing here for you. No lesson -- nothing you need to worry about. This does not affect you."

And I've gone on about my life.

Now do I think such a tragedy could never happen to me?

Of course not.

But I know in my heart that grindar and I have done and continue to do everything in our power to make sure it doesn't happen.

We can't be any more extreme without compromising her quality of life, without making her afraid of walking out her front door.

Anything that cannot be circumvented by what we do is beyond my control.

As such, I cannot waste my time worrying about it.

Life is risk.

I wish I could honestly say I am sorry for what happened to Carlie. That I'm filled with the righteous outrage every good parent should feel that animals like this could get away with something so horrible.

I can't say that. It's wrong, but it's one in a very, very long list of wrongs. If it makes me anything, it makes me tired.

That does disturb me in a vague, disconnected sort of way.

But not enough to turn away from everything else that clutters up my life and demands my attention.

There was nothing here for me.