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5/4/11 10:37![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
telarynTitle: A Little More Conversation (A Little Less Action, Please)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
telaryn
Word Count: 1305
Fandom: Leverage
Pairing: Nate/Sophie
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Unexpected pregnancy and a fairly emotional discussion of abortion.
Disclaimer: No ownership implied, no profit obtained.
Summary: Nate and Sophie's night in San Lorenzo had an unexpected consequence.
Author's Note: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
angst_bingo, for the prompt "Pregnancy". While those who are familiar with my fic to date may recognize this as the follow up to The Baby Job, it stands on its own merits.
They hadn’t really talked since San Lorenzo. Sophie hadn’t been able to find the words, and whether it was respect or fear driving him – Nate had been more than happy to follow her lead. Both of them knew they would have to discuss what had happened eventually, so when Sophie approached Nate that morning and told him they needed to talk, he wasn’t at all surprised.
He was the one that suggested McRory’s. The bar wouldn’t be open for hours, and it was neutral territory that meant they wouldn’t have to evict Hardison from the office. The hacker was already deep into researching their next case. “Too early for a drink?” Nate asked, going immediately behind the bar. He brought up a bottle of their favorite whiskey in one hand and two shot glasses in the other.
“We should probably do this sober,” Sophie said carefully. She slid onto her usual stool and folded her arms on the bar.
Nate glanced at the alcohol almost regretfully, and then set it carefully aside. “You’re probably right,” he sighed. “Okay,” he said, facing her at last. “This is us – talking.”
Too close, Sophie thought, her pulse speeding up until it was like a drum beat against the side of her neck. He was much too close – it was distracting. “Nate…” she began, then swore under her breath – ducking her head as her vision blurred unexpectedly.
“Hey,” Nate said softly. Tipping her head up with one hand, he gently brushed away her tears with a napkin. “It’s just us here – you and me. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Sophie managed to resist the urge to laugh, but it was a near thing. Covering Nate’s hand with her own, she looked directly into his eyes.
“I’m pregnant.”
**********
If he could have done the moment over, Nate wanted to believe he wouldn’t have pulled away from her. He knew Sophie was hurt by the gesture; he could feel her tensing to hold onto him, but reality had shattered around him and he needed space to understand what was happening.
Pregnant. A child. Our…child. It was almost too incredible to process. Nate pressed his fists to his forehead, tried to slow his breathing – tried to internalize what Sophie had said.
I’m going to be a father again.
“Okay,” he said, lowering his fists and trying to focus on Sophie and move the conversation forward. “Okay. This is…” His chest tightened as he realized she was openly crying. “It’s okay,” he said, reaching across the bar and taking her hand again. “We can do this, Sophie. It’ll take some adjustments – sure – but we can make this work.”
a tightness in her eyes…more pain than there should have been with him trying so hard to reassure her...oh god… The truth of her distress finally registered with him; Nate could barely breathe around the horror suddenly overwhelming his senses.
“Except you have no interest in making it work.”
*********
His eyes were suddenly over-bright. Pulling away from her again, Nate began to laugh – a sick, strangled sound that Sophie knew she would have done anything to never have to hear again. “Nate, please…”
He met her eyes again. “God can’t possibly hate me this much, Sophie. I know I’ve done things, but…”
Sophie wiped at her eyes again. “I never planned for this, Nate. I never planned on being a mother.”
“I never thought I’d get another chance to be a father,” he retorted. “How could you..?”
How could you take that away from me? He might as well have screamed the words at her, as easily as Sophie could read them in the lines of his face. “I shouldn’t have told you,” she said finally. “I should have kept my damn mouth shut.”
pain…so much pain in his eyes… Sophie suddenly felt as though she was being crushed under the raw weight of Nate’s emotions. “Why did you?” he asked, finally. “Sophie, if you never intended to keep our child, why would you even let me know it existed?”
She realized with a jolt that he wanted her to lie to him. He was practically begging her to say anything that would undo the last minute of their lives, so he could put himself back together and go on.
No.
“Because I can’t grift my way through this,” she said finally, dropping her gaze to the bar. “And you can’t drink your way out of it.” Her fingertips brushed lightly across a gouge in the wood of the bar. “Because no matter what I want, and no matter what you want we did this together.”
Gathering herself, she found the strength to meet his eyes again. “And whatever happens after this moment needs to be something that we decide together.”
****************
She knew how much Sam’s death had affected him. She knew what the promise of another child would mean to him. A part of him was so angry and hurt that she had even brought the idea of abortion to the table that he couldn’t think straight.
“Nate, talk to me,” Sophie said. “Whatever it is – please. We need to try and be honest with each other right now.”
He shook his head, taking a step back from her and hugging his arms tight across his chest. “I can’t, Sophie. Trust me – telling you what I’m thinking right now is not going to help matters.”
Resignation shone in her eyes, along with a terrible, absolute finality. “If I go through with the procedure, there’s no coming back from it is there?”
She was talking about leaving – just when they’d finally connected and he was growing comfortable with how much he loved and needed her she was talking about leaving and never coming back. Nate tried desperately to step away from his rage and pain and really think about an answer to her question.
Nothing came immediately or clearly to mind. “I don’t want to lose you,” he said finally. Keeping his breathing slow and steady, Nate uncrossed his arms and pressed his palms flat against the bar. “I love you, Sophie. I know I’ve never really said it, although you probably knew it even before I did.”
He grimaced as his own tears began to fall. “But that’s not a question I can answer right now,” he forced himself to go on. “There’s a part of me that is so angry with you right now for even thinking of killing our child.” He knew his choice of words hurt her, but he couldn’t find the strength to take them back. They came from the part of his soul where his father lived – the place in his heart where he would never be more than Jimmy Ford’s kid.
“But,” he went on, keeping his voice as gentle as he could while silently pleading with her to let him finish, “I love you, and I do understand that if I force you to bear a child you don’t want I’ve lost you anyway.”
A small sob escaped her; Sophie covered her mouth with her hand even as her eyes filled with fresh tears.
Nate covered her other hand with his own. “Do we have to figure this all out tonight?”
Sophie shook her head, grabbing the napkin he’d used earlier and wiping futilely at her eyes. “We’ve got time,” she said when she was marginally under control again. “Not much – but we don’t have to have all the answers worked out tonight.”
He felt something in his chest loosen. “Okay. That’s something.” Feeling more himself, he lifted the hand he was holding and brushed a kiss against her knuckles. “I wish I could tell you what you need to hear. I hope you know that.”
“I do,” she said, and her smile was so sad Nate felt his heart break all over again.
Author:
telarynWord Count: 1305
Fandom: Leverage
Pairing: Nate/Sophie
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Unexpected pregnancy and a fairly emotional discussion of abortion.
Disclaimer: No ownership implied, no profit obtained.
Summary: Nate and Sophie's night in San Lorenzo had an unexpected consequence.
Author's Note: Written for
angst_bingo, for the prompt "Pregnancy". While those who are familiar with my fic to date may recognize this as the follow up to The Baby Job, it stands on its own merits.They hadn’t really talked since San Lorenzo. Sophie hadn’t been able to find the words, and whether it was respect or fear driving him – Nate had been more than happy to follow her lead. Both of them knew they would have to discuss what had happened eventually, so when Sophie approached Nate that morning and told him they needed to talk, he wasn’t at all surprised.
He was the one that suggested McRory’s. The bar wouldn’t be open for hours, and it was neutral territory that meant they wouldn’t have to evict Hardison from the office. The hacker was already deep into researching their next case. “Too early for a drink?” Nate asked, going immediately behind the bar. He brought up a bottle of their favorite whiskey in one hand and two shot glasses in the other.
“We should probably do this sober,” Sophie said carefully. She slid onto her usual stool and folded her arms on the bar.
Nate glanced at the alcohol almost regretfully, and then set it carefully aside. “You’re probably right,” he sighed. “Okay,” he said, facing her at last. “This is us – talking.”
Too close, Sophie thought, her pulse speeding up until it was like a drum beat against the side of her neck. He was much too close – it was distracting. “Nate…” she began, then swore under her breath – ducking her head as her vision blurred unexpectedly.
“Hey,” Nate said softly. Tipping her head up with one hand, he gently brushed away her tears with a napkin. “It’s just us here – you and me. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Sophie managed to resist the urge to laugh, but it was a near thing. Covering Nate’s hand with her own, she looked directly into his eyes.
“I’m pregnant.”
**********
If he could have done the moment over, Nate wanted to believe he wouldn’t have pulled away from her. He knew Sophie was hurt by the gesture; he could feel her tensing to hold onto him, but reality had shattered around him and he needed space to understand what was happening.
Pregnant. A child. Our…child. It was almost too incredible to process. Nate pressed his fists to his forehead, tried to slow his breathing – tried to internalize what Sophie had said.
I’m going to be a father again.
“Okay,” he said, lowering his fists and trying to focus on Sophie and move the conversation forward. “Okay. This is…” His chest tightened as he realized she was openly crying. “It’s okay,” he said, reaching across the bar and taking her hand again. “We can do this, Sophie. It’ll take some adjustments – sure – but we can make this work.”
a tightness in her eyes…more pain than there should have been with him trying so hard to reassure her...oh god… The truth of her distress finally registered with him; Nate could barely breathe around the horror suddenly overwhelming his senses.
“Except you have no interest in making it work.”
*********
His eyes were suddenly over-bright. Pulling away from her again, Nate began to laugh – a sick, strangled sound that Sophie knew she would have done anything to never have to hear again. “Nate, please…”
He met her eyes again. “God can’t possibly hate me this much, Sophie. I know I’ve done things, but…”
Sophie wiped at her eyes again. “I never planned for this, Nate. I never planned on being a mother.”
“I never thought I’d get another chance to be a father,” he retorted. “How could you..?”
How could you take that away from me? He might as well have screamed the words at her, as easily as Sophie could read them in the lines of his face. “I shouldn’t have told you,” she said finally. “I should have kept my damn mouth shut.”
pain…so much pain in his eyes… Sophie suddenly felt as though she was being crushed under the raw weight of Nate’s emotions. “Why did you?” he asked, finally. “Sophie, if you never intended to keep our child, why would you even let me know it existed?”
She realized with a jolt that he wanted her to lie to him. He was practically begging her to say anything that would undo the last minute of their lives, so he could put himself back together and go on.
No.
“Because I can’t grift my way through this,” she said finally, dropping her gaze to the bar. “And you can’t drink your way out of it.” Her fingertips brushed lightly across a gouge in the wood of the bar. “Because no matter what I want, and no matter what you want we did this together.”
Gathering herself, she found the strength to meet his eyes again. “And whatever happens after this moment needs to be something that we decide together.”
****************
She knew how much Sam’s death had affected him. She knew what the promise of another child would mean to him. A part of him was so angry and hurt that she had even brought the idea of abortion to the table that he couldn’t think straight.
“Nate, talk to me,” Sophie said. “Whatever it is – please. We need to try and be honest with each other right now.”
He shook his head, taking a step back from her and hugging his arms tight across his chest. “I can’t, Sophie. Trust me – telling you what I’m thinking right now is not going to help matters.”
Resignation shone in her eyes, along with a terrible, absolute finality. “If I go through with the procedure, there’s no coming back from it is there?”
She was talking about leaving – just when they’d finally connected and he was growing comfortable with how much he loved and needed her she was talking about leaving and never coming back. Nate tried desperately to step away from his rage and pain and really think about an answer to her question.
Nothing came immediately or clearly to mind. “I don’t want to lose you,” he said finally. Keeping his breathing slow and steady, Nate uncrossed his arms and pressed his palms flat against the bar. “I love you, Sophie. I know I’ve never really said it, although you probably knew it even before I did.”
He grimaced as his own tears began to fall. “But that’s not a question I can answer right now,” he forced himself to go on. “There’s a part of me that is so angry with you right now for even thinking of killing our child.” He knew his choice of words hurt her, but he couldn’t find the strength to take them back. They came from the part of his soul where his father lived – the place in his heart where he would never be more than Jimmy Ford’s kid.
“But,” he went on, keeping his voice as gentle as he could while silently pleading with her to let him finish, “I love you, and I do understand that if I force you to bear a child you don’t want I’ve lost you anyway.”
A small sob escaped her; Sophie covered her mouth with her hand even as her eyes filled with fresh tears.
Nate covered her other hand with his own. “Do we have to figure this all out tonight?”
Sophie shook her head, grabbing the napkin he’d used earlier and wiping futilely at her eyes. “We’ve got time,” she said when she was marginally under control again. “Not much – but we don’t have to have all the answers worked out tonight.”
He felt something in his chest loosen. “Okay. That’s something.” Feeling more himself, he lifted the hand he was holding and brushed a kiss against her knuckles. “I wish I could tell you what you need to hear. I hope you know that.”
“I do,” she said, and her smile was so sad Nate felt his heart break all over again.
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