telaryn: (No Drama)
First of all: *glomps f-list*

Seriously -- you guys are the best! Thank you *so* much for the support and insight. Thank you those who called to check on me as well as those who commented.

I'm okay. Really. Not only because of you guys, but because none of what happened yesterday has any bearing on reality. He's the one sibling I have who hasn't bothered to ask, call or check up and find out what's really going on -- how can I possibly take his opinion of things seriously?

Was I indiscreet in what I said? Yeah -- I'll own that. Have I been indiscreet in what I've posted here in the past?

Yeah. I'll own that too.

Am I likely to be indiscreet about what I say in the future? I could say I hope not, but...well...probably.

The important thing to remember at all times is that this is *my* place to vent and express my opinion about my life and the people in it. A lot of the more personal stuff is restricted access -- most of what I write isn't.

You come here, you read my shit, you take your chances on what you might find. Normal, sane human beings *ask* if they want clarification, further details, or are troubled by something I said. Suprisingly enough, I do actually have a code of ethics on how I deal with talking about other people in public posts -- most of the time if you don't want me expressing my opinion about you to the entire internet I will at the *very* least restrict access to it.

Normal, sane human beings *ask*. They don't stew and then attack. That way lies drama, and we don't do that here.

To that end, [livejournal.com profile] uselessbrother is now banned. Any further sockpuppets traceable to that particular sibling will be banned as well, without engaging them in any sort of discussion whatsoever. If he wants to communicate with me on any subject, he can follow the rest of our siblings' lead and pick up the fucking phone.

All comment threads responding to [livejournal.com profile] uselessbrother's screed have been frozen, and I would consider it a personal favor if you guys wouldn't add anything to them anymore.

*sprays Febreze with Pet Odor Controlling Enzyme around to get rid of smell*

It's a new day. It's Friday! I'm leaving for San Diego in a matter of days. There is porn to write, fangirling to do, and lots and lots of navel-gazing.

But first? Shower.
telaryn: (Labyrinth)
Context.

Tom (since we're getting it out on the table and you apparently object to my LJ appellation for you):

Do you know when you became "useless brother"? It's a nickname given to you by my friends three and a half years ago when you showed up to help us move (after an increasingly non-existant presence in Dad's life) and felt the need to take the time and criticize the home I had found for us.

You knew we were moving. *Everybody* knew we were moving. You had asked nothing about where we were planning on moving, you had showed no interest whatsoever in where or the details -- yet you strolled into a situation where I was already stressed out (we'd already had the moving truck back into a van, remember) and took me aside to play "big brother".

I didn't confront you at the time because of everything that was going on, and for the sake of "family harmony", but fuck you. I say it here and now -- fuck you.

You say I don't understand about your feelings and your life? Honey, you ain't that deep. Yeah it sucks that you were the child adopted to save the marriage and it didn't work -- but forty years later you're faced with a father dying slowly and horribly and you can't let it go?

Oh -- yeah. You told Amy that you couldn't face it again after what you went through with your mother. Please. I talk to Nina -- unlike you *she* calls to check on Dad every week or so, and makes sure to ask me how he's doing, so she has a clear picture (since he's unable to convey that himself) -- and did so all during your mother's convalescence. I know everything that went down with regards to your mother, and now being largely in Nina's situation, I credit her version of things over yours.

With regards to the dinner, I didn't want to go. I couldn't afford it, and frankly your waltzing in at random holidays (remember, you didn't bother to call Dad for Father's Day that year) to throw a little money around and prove how much you love your father was getting old.

*Our* father wanted me there. So Mom offered to pay for Robin and I to attend. You can throw what happened in my face all you like, but the fact is that the only way I was going to be able to afford to pay separately was to *not* go in on the family style.

If you'll recall, I started to do just that. You and Kim were the ones who insisted that we throw in with you and made it a public deal when I tried to discreetly point out (so Dad wouldn't be upset) that this was the only way we could live by the terms you had set down for the outing.

I guess you assumed we had access to some hidden source of cash that I could have thrown your way. Of course, if you'd been more involved in Dad's life up to that point, you would have understood that we were still trying to dig ourselves out from the collapse of the company.

And before you do start, don't *even* throw that stock issue at me. What you may have "lost" in the way of inheritance is a drop in the bucket compared to what the rest of us lost -- and we happily worked with Nina to make sure the fallout was minimized for all affected.

Lastly, as far as the living situation goes -- I hope you don't expect me to credit your outsider opinion over the viewpoints of family members who have actually interacted with us over the past five years. Including, I might point out, family members who *used* to think as you do.

I find it intellectually amazing that you think "Mommy and Daddy" are still taking care of me -- that all this is nothing more than me taking advantage of my aging parents.

Oh...yeah. It hasn't been you rescuing Dad off the side of the road when he wandered off and became disoriented. It hasn't been you holding him up so his wife can pour juice down his throat with one hand and coordinate with 911 with the other.

It hasn't been you sitting at his bedside, playing along with the insanity when his mind leaves him so that he won't become even more agitated and damage his health even further.

It hasn't been you restricting your life so that you can be here every day to make sure that he eats a proper lunch, gets his medicine, doesn't sneak food he's not supposed to have, or over do himself physically and drop into insulin shock.

It's not you keeping track of his doctor's appointments and learning enough about the quirks of his condition to be able to communicate with them.

It's not you coercing him into living by his doctor's rules when he wants to do what *he* wants to do and damn the consequences.

And as far as this being his wife's job? Well that's a decision Mom and I made between the two of us (the only two *that* particular decision affects, thank you very much).

She is grateful that I'm sparing her some of the pain she's going through watching this slow slide of his. Imagine for a second what it must be like to watch your partner and best friend of forty years drift further and further away from you, while still in the same room. She's grateful that I give him peace, taking care of him with the same devotion she does, and that I can get him to listen to me when he won't listen to her.

And you know what? He's grateful to have somebody around that he can be vulnerable in front of. He's spared the worst of the embarrassment of admitting to his partner and best friend of forty years that he's remembering less and less of their life together with each passing day.

I have all the duties and responsibilities of a full-time nurse, the pain of a relative watching an aging parent decline, and the stress of knowing that nine times out of ten I have to rely on the kindness of my friends to be able to get an evening to myself because I reap none of the financial rewards.

Gee -- I wonder why the rest of the family isn't beating down my door to get a piece of my life!

You know why I vent here, Tom? To keep from losing my mind. Be aware that what you've managed to read is only a tenth of the picture -- the horrifying, soul-breaking stuff is all restricted to the access of those I trust.

I have been indiscreet in leaving my comments about you public, and for that I apologize. I have gone back and friends-locked the post in question, and any future assessments that involve you will be given the same treatment.

Not that there will be many...you really don't enter my thoughts or my life all that much any more.

In conclusion -- since this is ultimately about what is best for our father -- I promise you that Robin and I will stay entirely out of any future attempts you make to interact with him. We will go on no more "family outings", and when you call every week to ten days (as Mike and Nina do) to check up on him, I will do nothing more than answer the phone (since most of the time he can't figure out how to) and pass you on.

So now it's back to being just you and your issues. I sincerely hope, for your sake, that you can set them aside long enough to enjoy what time our father has left.

Heh

9/7/06 12:57
telaryn: (Fred and George Puff Icon)
I made [livejournal.com profile] crevette go *squish*. Twice.

Oh get your minds out of the gutter -- we were fangirling "Dead Man's Chest", of course!

Spoilers Ahoy! )

In the meantime -- anyone have an industrial strength spray to help me get rid of this plot bunny from the NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL?!?!?!?!?!

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Telaryn

September 2015

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